Had a revelation & gained PERSPECTIVE!!

As most of you know this has been a long journey for me and its been filled with emotional & physical up's & down's but through it all I pushed on and I'm coming out on the other side victoriously!! Let me share with you something that I said to myself during the very early stages of my journey when I was 200+ lbs and still feeling hopeless. . . I told myself I was going to 1) loose the weight and be in shape 2) compete in figure competitions and 3) be a fitness model or spokeswoman for the African American community on how you can be healthy & fit despite all of life's obstacles. Needless to say I was

laughed at by everyone, including those closest to me, it hurt but it was ok because guess what . . . 1) I've lost the weight  2) I competed in not 1 but 2 shows this year and many more next year and 3) I'm on my way working towards becoming a fitness model/spokesperson for health & fitness because I FINALLY BELIEVE IN MYSELF!! I mentioned before that despite the obvious changes I've made sometimes I got caught up not believing in myself. Well last night in my attempt to clean house b/c we're moving . . . YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS I SAID IT WE'RE MOVING into our new place in a few weeks (can you tell I'm excited LOLOL) . . . anyway back to the subject. In my attempt to clean house I went thru my computer box where I have all my cd's and techie stuff and I was checking out the data on these disks and low & behold there were pictures of me pre & post baby and let me tell you A SISTA WAS TORE OUT THE FRAME!! I mean when I saw pics of myself from before I even got preggers I was blown away.

To give you an example of what I'm talking about here's a picture and I barely recognize my face. As you see this doesn't even look like me and I can't lie I was again emotionally overwhelmed when I saw it!! Now this was pre-pregnancy so as you see I wasn't lying when I said I was in a BAD spot when I got preggers and the only place to go was up and I went UP. Anyway seeing these pics last night gave me a serious revelation & perspective as to where I am now and made me feel SO THANKFUL!! I may complain sometimes and say crazy stuff about my weight and beat myself up but looking back at where I was then and where I am now and the possibility of things to come I feel so blessed and I can't Thank God enough for giving me the strength and ability to get where I am now. I have gained some serious perspective in the matter of minutes and I will STOP this self destructive behavior because I have come a long way and couldn't be happier.
I'll also share a little secret with you . . . I took this picture one summer when I was in NYC working and during that summer I went by Wilhelmina modeling agency to audition to be a plus size model. Needless to say they sent me packing immediately. Well this past weekend I went by the agency to enter in the Next Hot Body contest and the response was totally different and I shared with them I had been there 6 years prior for a totally different reason and now I'm back and even BETTER!! All I can say is GOD IS GOOD and FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD!! I will continue to praise Him & thank Him on a daily basis while I keep pushing on because my blessing is coming!!!

KQ

By the way this is how I looked this time when I walked into Wilhelmina. Actually I think I may have topped this body by getting a bit leaner but who cares I was miles away from where I was the first time I went to see them and it showed. I had an awesome time and I'll continue to pray for & work towards my SUCCESS!!!

GOALS set . . . now it's time to make them a REALITY!!

It's time for me to finally BELIEVE IN MYSELF & PUT MYSELF OUT THERE!!

Now the self belief part is totally internal and something I've been working on daily. For some reason I used to feel like no one cared or wanted to hear about my story/journey, that I wasn't good enough to hang with the Big Dawgs and that I would never get to where I am today which is still a good ways away from the Ultimate Goal (but I'm on the right path). Well now I know better!! I'm so glad many of you are inspired by my journey and see that I'm a real person, living a real (hectic) life and I'm achieving my fitness goals one push up, squat & bench press at a time LOLOLOL!!! When it comes to feeling like I hang with the Big Dawgs. . . well obviously I don't feel that way anymore b/c I've finally embarked on my competition journey and held my own quite well and there are many more competitions to come so keep your eye out for me. Achieving the Ultimate Goal is still a journey and will probably always be one because every goal I accomplish I see as a rung on a ladder and I just keep climbing and when I reach the top (ie the Ultimate Goal) then I'll just grab a new ladder and start climbing it.
So now what does all this hafta do with "putting myself out there"?!?! You see all the self-doubt that I previously described has kept me from venturing out there and entering different online contests, doing photoshoots, contacting agents, etc. That is over with now and I have an announcement . . . . I'M GOING TO DO A PHOTOSHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!! Yup that's right you heard me, I'm finally doing it because there's no time like the present. I told myself at the beginning of the year 2010 was my year to step out there and that's exactly what I'm doing. In 20days  I'm jumping off the ledge and doing my first photoshoot.

GOALS set . . . now it's time to make them a REALITY!! 

Shhhhhhhhhh. . . Do you listen

To your body that is?!?!?
Well for the most part I do but sometimes I think I know better than my body and I don't listen. But this time listened and my body was telling me I needed some REST!! So that's exactly what  I did. I started my World Wind Tour on Aug 7th by rushing to SC for a friends Bridal Shower and it was non-stop since that point. As you already know after the shower came the competition,then final preparations for the my friend Brittany's Wedding and while I prepped for her wedding I started doing Crossfit and lemmi tell ya it's NOT for the faint at heart but it will for sure GET YOU RIGHT!! After the wedding it was time to get Miss Kyndal prepared for her first week of BIG School (that's what she calls it) and I was just TIRED!! So I decided last week while I got her together I would take a break from my workouts to give me body some much deserved REST.
If any of you are like me when it comes to a goal you want to accomplish and you feel like "Oh I just need to keep going, Don't stop, I'll get there but I gotta keep pushing". Well sometimes that's just not the mentality to have and that's such a hard lesson for me to learn but I'm trying. When you've been going Super Hard for a really long time and you don't take a much needed rest you run the risk of hurting yourself & your progress more than helping yourself. You stop seeing results, your body starts fighting you, fatigue and boredom come much quicker and that's sooooooooooo NOT what we want.I started competition training January 2, 2010 and I've been going HARD ever sense. I have competed in 2 shows and finally learned on 2 occasions (subsequently after both shows) to take a MUCH NEEDED BREAK!!
Now HOW exactly do you take this break and not hinder your hard earned progress. Well for starters this whole journey is a LIFESTYLE CHANGE!! Its not just a diet to help you fit into a dress (women) or suit (men), look good @ a reunion or even participate in a competition. This is about learning to listen to your needs instead of your wants, about daily exercise and healthy nutrition to help you build that flawless body you've been wanting for so long. So honestly while taking this break you shouldn't feel the urge to over indulge and succumb to temptation. I mean we're tempted everyday all around us but we don't give in so why should this small break be any different. Now I'm not saying don't enjoy a cheat meal or even a cheat day BUT keep it in perspective. Everything's about moderation & healthy substitutions and that's what you have to remember. Stay tuned for another blog this week about choosing those healthy substitutions and how to eat in moderation while still satisfying yourself and not feeling hungry.