I'm NOT the Big Girl they said I was . . .

I'm sure MANY of you will be able to relate to what I'm about to say today and why I'm saying it, but. . .

I'M NOT THE BIG GIRL THEY SAID I WAS!!!

So why am I saying this and where'd it come from all of a sudden. Well those answers are pretty dern simple, you see what had happened was (LOLOL) . . . This morning LC had to be up at like 4:30am for work (odd for him to have to be the one waking up early instead of me, but it was his turn for a change). So when he got up I turned on the TV and there was some fitness infomercial on (don't get me to lying cause I don't remember which one?!?!). While I was partially awake and listening to the infomercial this lady says "I'm NOT the Big Girl they always said I was". WOWOWOW!! At that exact moment I woke up (briefly) and listened to her because I could totally relate. To give you a little background history I am the youngest by 9+ years of 2 girls. My older sister was a model and she was the ISH on the runway & in pics (still is. . . she will serve it up on the runway like none other). So obviously she was Tall & Uber Thin & HAWT and as I grew up I was the Bigger one. Now I'm sure my friends and family meant nothing by it but when I would say I wanted a haircut like hers or to wear something or whatever I'd hear . . . "Oh you can't do that because. . .your necks too big, you're too muscular, you're the Bigger one, etc". So hearing that I grew up always thinking I was the Big Girl and that was that. 

Needless to say I was in shape through high school and college for the most part but still I was BIGGER. Bigger then my mom, my sister, my friends heck everyone except for the few chicks who were taller than me and even they were slender in comparison to me. But hey it was no biggie I accepted it and kept it moving. As I got older I was that "Thick Chick", "Dragging a Wagon", "Big Seat" and all other names folks could think of to describe me and again I accepted it because that's who I was Right?!?!? Well once I hit 245lbs I felt for sure everyone was right but I was so uncomfortable & UNHAPPY. . . so were they Right about me or not?!?!

NO THEY WERE WRONG. . . I wasn't that person and I quickly found it out as I started my weight loss journey! As I began to shed the weight I started seeing The REAL Me then I really became confused because now the person whom I thought I was, whom I had been told I was, whom I'd even seen in the mirror previously was NOT real!! This was the REAL me. . .long, lean, fit, fabulous & FIERCE! Despite recognizing this new person and trying my best to enjoy her I still DIDN'T ACCEPT IT!! I still saw myself with my FAT mind. I shopped (and still shop) with my Fat mind, I look down at my legs or my body and my FAT mind tells me it's something different then I really know it is. I am HONESTLY admitting that only RECENTLY, and when I say recently I mean in the last few days after looking at pics of myself from the show, do I TRULY see myself as that LONG, LEAN, FIT, FABULOUS & FIERCE chick who's been living inside of me for 34 years. 

All of this is to say . . . PLEASE BE COGNIZANT of what you're saying to people because after hearing something about yourself for so long you start to believe it and make it true!! Because I know how this feels first hand I am very aware of what I say to my daughter and how I praise her continuously. I let her know that she's Gawgeous, Smart, Funny, Perfectly Built and anything else I can think of to keep her from having delusional ideals of who she REALLY is!! This is a painful struggle and I know I make light of it and joke around on a continuous basis but that doesn't mean this situation doesn't TORMENT sometimes. And that is one of the main reasons why I blog and talk to you all about it because it allows me to release myself of this emotional baggage that has plagued me so I can move one & GROW as a person and hopefully help someone else either overcome the same thing or keep them from going thru the same thing. So on that note I will bid you farewell and get back to work and say as always I Love's Ya'll and I'll talk to ya soon!!

KQ

I've got Triple D's!!!

. . . . Ummmmmmmmm don't get excited because I'm not talking about the show or "The Girlz" LOL!!
But don't get me wrong though I ABSOLUTELY LOVE Diners, Drive-ins & Dives aka Triple D and I'd LOVE some "Girlz" hehehe, but that's not what we're talking about today!!
Today's Triple D's are . . .

DETERMINATION, DRIVE & DISCIPLINE

This has been a very long & ongoing journey for me and I could've never been or will never be successful without these VERY important and basic Triple D's!! Now let's take these 3 D's and break'em down based on their definitions and see where I fit in and think about where you fit into those definitions too. .

DETERMINATION can be defined as . . .

1. Firmness of purpose; resolutness - Well I don't think there's any question that I have a Firmness of purpose & a resolutness in the direction of which I plan to go! About 6yrs ago I decided what it was that I wanted to do in terms of my health & wellness and also in the fitness industry. And I have been working diligently towards that goal/purpose since then! Just because I had a purpose in mind it did not in any way, shape or form come together over night!! It's taken continued focus and work to just get on the road to where I belong cause I have YET to achieve the BIG goal but we're headed in the right direction. . . 
2. The process of establishing something exactly, typically by calculation or research - OHHHHHH the words calculation & research are 2 that those around me will tell you I've done and still do extensively!! I'm online daily researching the industry, workouts, EATS and anything else I can think of in relation to my goals & this journey. I feel like KNOWLEDGE is KEY so I'm going to flood myself with as much of it that my lil brain can hold then I'll put the rest on layaway for later so I can squeeze it all in, hehehe!!
3. A tendency to move in a fixed direction - I mean c'mon seriously . . . ya'll know this is me ALL DAY/EVERYDAY!! I am NOT wavering from the direction in whence I want to go for ANYTHING!! Now that doesn't mean my personal or professional life outside of fitness has to suffer cause it doesn't. Even though the direction I'm moving in will ULTIMATELY benefit my family and my life I can't let my determination to get there invade or interrupt their lives any more then it has to because that just wouldn't be fair. They want this for me BUT this isn't their Dream its MINE so I have to remember that daily

DRIVE can be defined as. . .

1. A strong organized effort to accomplish a purpose - Listen I suffer from the BIG "O" when I'm not running on zero energy. The BIG "O" is ORGANIZATION and I'm all about it and I feel like you can't be successful without some sort of organization. Because how can you get there (wherever there is) IF you haven't organized & devised a plan to make it happen. Like I always say . . . If you FAIL to PLAN then you PLAN to FAIL!! I may let some other things around me fall to the waist side when I start running on empty but I'm gonna tell you what won't fall to the waist side and that's my planning & preparation for my workouts & Eats!!
2. Energy, push, or aggressiveness - These 3 words are what you see in the dictionary next to Kenisha :) If I am nothing I am FOR SURE 100% ENERGETIC & AGGRESSIVE when it comes to accomplishing goals and achieving whatever I set my mind to!! 

DISCIPLINE (Self-Discipline) can be defined as. . .

1. Training that one gives oneself to accomplish a certain task or to adopt a particular pattern of behavior, even if one would rather be doing something else - OH MY LAWD!! If I'm not disciplined then I dunno who is?!?! If there is any 1 thing about this journey that's hard its sometimes the DISCIPLINE when it comes to the EATS!! I truthfully don't suffer from cravings anymore which is a huge accomplishment in itself. Don't get me wrong I want to EAT things that aren't currently on my meal plan BUT they're honestly not bad things at all and are pretty much considered healthy & borderline clean. Or I have desires to eat more of things I'm allowed to have just not in the quantities that I desire like my sweet potatoes :) But what's the hardest is disciplining myself to eat some of the stuff that I'm not accustomed to or honestly don't like. Funny thing about that is after training (forcing LOL) myself to eat these things they slowly became some of my favorites . . .like oatmeal & asparagus. However I can tell you one thing that I will NEVER EVER enjoy (at least in the fashion that I have to eat it) is Cream of Rice. In the name of Sweet Baby Jesus!! Now if it doesn't take DISCIPLINE & borderline INSANITY for me to eat that stuff I wouldn't be able to choke it down. BUT. . . I buckle down and I discipline myself to do it for the few meals because I know what I want to accomplish and unfortunately this God forsaken nasty stuff will get me there!

Now that you've had a chance to read about my Triple D's and their definitions and how I feel like they apply to me, I now want you to evaluate yourself & your goals (whatever they may be) against these Triple D's and see if you measuring up!!
ANYTHING WORTH HAVING IS WORTH WORKING FOR and you should always remember that!! So you may have to make some sacrifices by burning the midnight oil then waking up again the next morning before the chickens. You may have to deny yourself what you "think" are needs (pleasures) when instead they're just wants (desires) that one can live without until the ultimate goal is reached. So whatever your goal maybe are you putting forth your BEST & BIGGEST Triple D's cause I know I am!! As always Love Ya'll and much success in EVERY endeavor you set your mind to!!
KQ

7 days and counting . . . AGAIN!!

This past week was FULL of FUN & EXCITEMENT!!
As you already know last week ended with a WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE at the WBFF Fitness Atlantic show where I placed 5th in my 1st Figure Tall competition!! I want to honestly say I couldn't have asked for anything more because come from whence I came and actually being up there and BELONGING was the GREATEST reward ever, getting the medal was just the Icing on the Cake!!
Now we're prepping for Show #2 Fitness Universe New England Championship at the Mohegan Sun. This was my very 1st show ever last year and it too was a GREAT experience. BTW (by the way) if you'd like to share in the experience with me you can watch LIVE & FOR FREE by clicking here on Saturday, April 30th. It'll also be broadcast on ESPN3 starting @ 12pm.

Kyndal & MeMe (aka my mom Deloris) painting pottery

So anyway back to last week . . . my mom finally got a chance to come visit me in Connecticut and she had a GREAT time!! Kyndal & I took her this place & that place, we did paint your own pottery ,  shopped for things for the house (more specifically Kyndal's room), we went to NYC for the day (which was crazy hectic due to the holiday) and then I took her to Rhode Island. Needless to say we all had a FULL WEEK!! I've been rather tired because I was getting up really early in the AM and working out, then coming home and prepping breakfast for everyone then hitting the streets for the day then back home every night for dinner and another workout if I needed it. I was literally passing out wherever my butt landed LOL. My mom "partially" understands what I'm doing and why I'm doing it but I didn't want to take away fun time with her & Kyndal for my own selfish need to prepare for this next show so I just had to do what I had to do. Now that doesn't mean I wasn't still working hard and trying to stay disciplined because I was and lemmi tell you it was HARD!! As ya'll already know my mom is the Designer & Builder of The House that Snacks Made as you can see from the picture below. This is just a snapshot from her house on one of my visits home. She wholeheartedly believes in Buy1Get1Free!! LOL

With that being said she came loaded down with SNACKS for her trip. I mean but it was smart because that way she didn't have to buy anything on the train. OHHHHHHHHH YEAH. . .did I fail to mention she rode the train here. LAWD JESUS HELP HER LOLOL!! I thought driving the 12+ hours from SC/NC to CT was a killer, well lemmi tell ya that train ride was like 17hrs. But Oh Well. .  .that's what she wanted to do and I accommodated her wish but I did explain to her next trip she's flying cause I don't have time for the complaining that went on for 2 days after she arrived about how tired she was from the ride.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuut back to the subject at hand . . . 7 days till SHOWTIME . . . AGAIN!! I have been worried all week that my visit with my trainer was going to yield poor results but needless to say True to Form my worrying was WASTED ENERGY!! My weight was down, my BF% (body fat percentage) and my body was looking better this time going into show prep week then last time. I'm NOT sure how that's possible but I won't look a gift horse in the mouth. So I got my PLAN from the Best Trainer/Coach ever (aka Kevin Topka) and he gave me very positive and constructive criticism from last weeks show. He showed me little things that I did wrong and things I did right and things we're going to work on for the June show in Boston, MA to ensure contention for PRO STATUS!!  Thankfully I've done the hard part which was drop the weight. HECK I had no idea I had that much to drop or that I would look so different but I'm glad I did it and I LOVE how I look and I'm ready to bring it together and get that much deserved PRO CARD!!
I gotta make this one a quick one because 1) I'm unfortunately not feeling super witty today because I have a slight headache due to my contacts bothering me earlier this week so I've been back and forth between wearing nothing & wearing my glasses. And 2) I hafta prepare for LC's return from Spain tomorrow so that mean's cooking him his favorite meals and grocery shopping for the "basics" that he likes to have at the house that were so kindly eaten up by his buddy Kyndal & my mom. As always I LOVE YA'LL & THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART for all the kind words of encouragement and congratulations that I received. They meant the world to me and I will NEVER forget it and I'm going to go out there again next week and do it for ya'll again!!
KQ