The REASONS why I do what I do . . .

Today's blog was soooooooooo going to be about something different but thinking about my daughter (Kyndal) & LC, I was IMMEDIATELY emotionally overwhelmed and brought to tears. That's been happening a lot lately but like my good friend  Kendra says, "let the tears out because that means it more water leaving the body"!! I love that chick, she's a trip :)
Anyway back to the story/topic at hand. I do these shows for many reasons first & foremost I do them for myself and for the Discipline & the Competition aspect because I am an Athlete and I am driven by setting goals, accomplishing them and winning. In this case winning isn't necessarily defined by getting 1st place or the trophy but by beating myself every time I step foot on that stage. Each time I want to bring a Better Kenisha to the stage in every aspect . . . conditioning, presentation, poise, etc and so far so good. I just want to be a BETTER ME at all cost . . . . BUT the second reason I do this and prolly it's more like 50/50 on the reasons is my Family (Kyndal & LC).

The 2 people you see here are my HEART!! I will SACRIFICE EVERYTHING for these 2 because I love them with all my heart and I know they want the best for me. For starters my daughter Kyndal . . . OH MY LAWD, I am just in tears typing this & that's no lie. This child is a Gift from God. . . a TRUE BLESSING that I could've never imagined that would've been bestowed on me. She motivates me and pushes me to be a better person ALL THE TIME. And prepping for these shows is no different. Please let me tell you how this little 6yr old "woman" keeps me in CHECK!! On any given day she can be heard saying the following things. . .

No mommy you can't have that . . 

Mommy I'm gonna tell Lawrence if you eat that (and she tells too)

My mommy doesn't need a menu because she has her food. . . she's training for a show so WE can Win!

Look at my muscles mommy . . .I've got BIG muscles like you and I'm strong like you

and so many other things . . . 

She is the BEST cheerleader a girl could ask for! She's also a GREAT training partner! Kyndal will go to the track, the stairs, or the gym with me and she will push me, keep count, take video, etc because she wants to see her mommy do her best. When I'm tired, covered in sweat, hurting and can't go another step she rubs me on my back and tells me how GREAT of a mommy I am then gives me something to drink or eat. So when I think about that HOW COULD I NOT WANT TO BE THE BEST!! I want her to see what can happen when you put your mind to something and you work hard for it. 

Then there's LC (Lawrence). . .WOW where do I begin with him?!?! He too is a Gift from God to me because how BLESSED & FORTUNATE am I do be in Love with my BEST FRIEND?!?! This man was with me years ago when I was bigger (not my biggest, but bigger) so he's experienced both Kenisha's and he loves me just the same :) I think there was a time he may have believed in my and my success more than I did. Constantly pushing me to put myself & my story out there but I was so afraid and said "no one cares about what I have to say and what I'm doing". . . well that was the Devil talking but the Lord sent him (and several of you) to REBUKE that and show me that people do care and are moved & motivated by my continued journey. I know I drive him NUTS sometimes but without a shadow of a doubt he sees What & Who I could be in this industry and please believe he pushes me like none other sometimes. All I can hear is . . . "did you email this person, did you call that person, when are you going to schedule a photoshoot, when are you going to start training clients and the list goes on. He was always someone who worked out but now he pushes even harder and when he noticed the major changes in himself I saw a fire spark and then he said the ultimate thing. . . ."I want to eat CLEAN with you next week while I'm home". Ya'll just don't know?!?!? I coulda dropped to my knees and kissed this man's feet but uhhhhhhhhh we won't be doing that LOL. . . the most he'll get is a foot rub (there's one waiting for you when you get home babes) LOLOL! But seriously it was that big of a deal and it made my week flow smoothly & successfully! 

Soooooooo when you are wondering why I do these things, why I put myself thru what appears to be agony, why I push so hard and won't give up now you know. I want to be #1 not only for me but for THEM! I want to be the AWESOME Woman & Mother they believe I am, I want to be successful in my every endeavor so I can provide them the luxuries in life. I want them to see what hard work, determination, discipline and their belief in me will produce. Again I tell you I love these 2 people with my whole heart and there's NO sacrifice that's too great to ensure their happiness which in turn makes me happy!! So I'm gonna dry my tears and get back to work. . . . I just wanted to share this tidbit of info with ya'll :)

KQ

p.s. 12 DAYS TILL LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!!

Let the countdown begin . . . T-minus 15 days

Competition season is OFFICIALLY UNDERWAY!! With 15 days until my 1st show its time to ROCK!!

I know I have been hella quiet and that's HONESTLY NOT going to happen any longer because we're about to get this thing ROCKING & ROLLING. . . Once we're through this first competition I'm going to have some GREAT surprises for you all regarding the blog, training, workouts, recipes, and much, much more!! These posts for the next few days will be brief and mostly revolve around what I'm doing to complete my preparation and how my body is looking then we're gonna crank it up. Since I'm trying to keep my Mental Burden off my family this will be the perfect outlet for me to express what I'm going through and feeling as the BIG Event approaches.

Soooooo I'm gonna run to the gym and knock out my workout then I'll be back home blinging out my suit and I'm gonna take some pics for ya'll so you can see my 1st creation, of many I hope.

Stay Strong & Stay Focused and I'll be back in a few
KQ

P.S. . . . I've posted a ticker countdown @ the top of my blogs and I'll keep adding them as shows, events, etc come up. I'll do the same for you and whatever goals you want to work towards to.

TOGETHER WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS

On an Emotional Rollercoaster!!

I am usually the person that's always upbeat and happy who keeps everyone positive and motivated, fired up and laughing . . .BUT right now that's NOT who I am!! Currently I'm on a serious "Emotional Rollercoaster" and I want off ASAP!!

 

 

 

This is a good visual description of how my roller coaster looks

This rollercoaster  ride started Wednesday when I spent 17hrs getting from Connecticut to Dallas. It was honestly the WORST experience of my life but I handled it in stride and said I couldn't be mad because it was weather related and I tried to make lemonade out of lemons by working out, talking to people and continuing to eat clean. But knowingly the damage had be done!! Once I got to Dallas the weather went from bad to worse for them and it snowed and ya'll know they couldn't handle that so there I was basically stranded in the room but again I made the best of it by staying on top of my eats and working out. Finally the weather broke so LC & I had planned to hit the town a few nights like we did in Miami last year and have a blast . . . THAT WAS AN EPIC FAILURE!! The best part of the trip was I finally got to meet up with my friend Kendra and we had a KILLER workout, went to eat and she took me to get my beloved cocoa almonds. It was GREAT!! Unfortunately I had to fly back Sunday because that was the only day I could get a flight out and everything was going smooth until I got to D.C. and find out that United so graciously canceled my flight and I wasn't gonna get home until midnight at the earliest. Needless to say I flipped out because that meant another 7hrs in an airport. I completely lost it and went into a ranting & raving fussing & cussing fest. Then I broke down and ate some of the cocoa almonds I had in my bag and that made me feel worse about myself. And that's when the rollercoaster really took off.
Today is Tuesday and I've been crying on and off about this and that since Sunday and I'm just ready to be over it because I so hate being in these types of moods for several reasons the main one being its Counterproductive:

• what can you get accomplished when you're experiencing these highs & lows
• normally when you're experiencing highs & lows like this your stress level is high which makes your cortisol levels rise which can in turn cause you to hold more fat (so NOT good!!)
• self-doubt and all kinds of negative thoughts start creeping in . . . and that's where I'm at right now
• emotional eating (Thank God I only have clean food in my house which keeps me from consuming the wrong thing)

I so desperately want to dig myself out of this emotional rut but it's proving to be harder then usual this time around. I will admit to you all I am VERY hard on myself and set VERY high expectations and standards that I do my best to attain, so when I'm not meeting those expectations I immediately feel like a failure. Now I know deep down inside I'm not a failure and that I've come a long way in life but I want MORE for myself, is that so wrong?!? I honestly don't think so but I'm going to have to get some perspective when it comes to handling setbacks and whatever other issues arise. I will say that blogging and getting it out is one of the BEST ways for me to release myself. I honestly feel better now that I've let it out a bit and I'm going to gather myself and head out the door for an awesome workout and maybe after that I'll troll around some stores and get some visual retail therapy :) So thank you for listening and I hope to report back to you in a few days with a much better deposition because this one is CRAPPY!!


KQ (desperately trying to keep my head up)