Monday, October 18, 2010

Had a revelation & gained PERSPECTIVE!!

As most of you know this has been a long journey for me and its been filled with emotional & physical up's & down's but through it all I pushed on and I'm coming out on the other side victoriously!! Let me share with you something that I said to myself during the very early stages of my journey when I was 200+ lbs and still feeling hopeless. . . I told myself I was going to 1) loose the weight and be in shape 2) compete in figure competitions and 3) be a fitness model or spokeswoman for the African American community on how you can be healthy & fit despite all of life's obstacles. Needless to say I was
laughed at by everyone, including those closest to me, it hurt but it was ok because guess what . . . 1) I've lost the weight  2) I competed in not 1 but 2 shows this year and many more next year and 3) I'm on my way working towards becoming a fitness model/spokesperson for health & fitness because I FINALLY BELIEVE IN MYSELF!! I mentioned before that despite the obvious changes I've made sometimes I got caught up not believing in myself. Well last night in my attempt to clean house b/c we're moving . . . YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS I SAID IT WE'RE MOVING into our new place in a few weeks (can you tell I'm excited LOLOL) . . . anyway back to the subject. In my attempt to clean house I went thru my computer box where I have all my cd's and techie stuff and I was checking out the data on these disks and low & behold there were pictures of me pre & post baby and let me tell you A SISTA WAS TORE OUT THE FRAME!! I mean when I saw pics of myself from before I even got preggers I was blown away.

To give you an example of what I'm talking about here's a picture and I barely recognize my face. As you see this doesn't even look like me and I can't lie I was again emotionally overwhelmed when I saw it!! Now this was pre-pregnancy so as you see I wasn't lying when I said I was in a BAD spot when I got preggers and the only place to go was up and I went UP. Anyway seeing these pics last night gave me a serious revelation & perspective as to where I am now and made me feel SO THANKFUL!! I may complain sometimes and say crazy stuff about my weight and beat myself up but looking back at where I was then and where I am now and the possibility of things to come I feel so blessed and I can't Thank God enough for giving me the strength and ability to get where I am now. I have gained some serious perspective in the matter of minutes and I will STOP this self destructive behavior because I have come a long way and couldn't be happier.
I'll also share a little secret with you . . . I took this picture one summer when I was in NYC working and during that summer I went by Wilhelmina modeling agency to audition to be a plus size model. Needless to say they sent me packing immediately. Well this past weekend I went by the agency to enter in the Next Hot Body contest and the response was totally different and I shared with them I had been there 6 years prior for a totally different reason and now I'm back and even BETTER!! All I can say is GOD IS GOOD and FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD!! I will continue to praise Him & thank Him on a daily basis while I keep pushing on because my blessing is coming!!!


By the way this is how I looked this time when I walked into Wilhelmina. Actually I think I may have topped this body by getting a bit leaner but who cares I was miles away from where I was the first time I went to see them and it showed. I had an awesome time and I'll continue to pray for & work towards my SUCCESS!!!