I'm NOT who I USED to BE!!

A little over 6mo ago I was watching Bible Way Church online and Pastor Jackson preached about "I'm not who I used to be"!! I won't ever forget that sermon b/c it rang true in so many ways with me. I was in the midst of struggling from a major weight rebound and I was also confused & unhappy in my profession. As I listened to that sermon I was in this house clapping, shaking my head in approval & understanding, talking back to the computer as if I were actually in the sanctuary and the whole 9 yards. I'm sure if my neighbors heard me they prolly though I was straight crazy, but ask me if I care. . . NOPE b/c God was delivering a message to me that I needed to hear!

The weight gain had me believing I was that 245lb girl again but I WASN'T. . .I'M NOT. . .I WILL NEVER BE AGAIN as long as I have breath in my body!! Then the next morning I received a call from my manager letting me know I was being LAID OFF. . . yup I've kept that a secret from ya'll all this time b/c it just wasn't the time to share it but today I'm sharing!
Because of that sermon and other beliefs I have I politely said "Thank You Very Much for 11 years and where would you like your computer & when do I get my check". My manager was SHOCKED by my response and said "WOW you're so calm" To that I said "Yes I am b/c God says my time here is done and he has something GREATER for me & now it's time for me to explore that". I called LC and told him and his words were "GREAT!! Now its time for you to do what you're MEANT to do!!" I can't explain the feeling I had knowing he believed in me and supported me 100%!!
So now that sermon meant even more to me. . . NO I'm no longer that FAT girl that I see in the mirror & I will NEVER be again as long as I'm willing & able to work. And NO I'm no longer a defined as computer nerd by profession. . .now I have been given the opportunity to do what I'm PASSIONATE about! To get up every day and feel as though what I've done by the end of the evening has CHANGED someones life!!
Yes its been slow going! Yes its been a struggle sometimes. . .but I have never given up & never will b/c
1) I believe in what He (GOD) has in store for me & that this is MY SEASON
2) I have a supportive husband, family & friends who encourage, motivate, inspire me all the time and sometimes slap (figuratively that is) some sense in me when I get discouraged or doubtful
3) I ♥ what I'm doing!! I ♥ who've I've become from my struggles, accomplishments, failures & successes!! I may be tired, worn out, and running on fumes but when I lay my head down at night and pick it up in the morning I feel HAPPY & ACCOMPLISHED.
OK, OK, OK. . . I've yammered on enough so I'll end it here. ♥ Ya'll & I'll talk to ya later today b/c I've got some exciting things going on :)

40 Days & Counting . . .

If you've been reading my Fanpage or my personal Facebook page then you know I'M GETTING MARRIED :) :) :) and today happens to mark 40 days until I'll receiving the BLESSING of marrying my Best Friend!! Now as if the Wedding wasn't enough to deal with these last 2-3months I've also embarked on starting my own fitness/online training business,working as a personal  trainer at a new gym and strategizing my competition plan for the 1 (one) & ONLY show I'm planning to participate in this year. WHEWWWWWWWWWWW putting that down in writing just let me further understand why I feel like I've been ripping & running like a chicken with my head cut off because it turns out that I actual am. But hey if I don't have a million things keeping me busy then I'm not getting anything done. So you know me . . . BRING IT ON!! 
Over these next 40 days I will do everything in my power to post my workouts, EATS, updates on the Wedding, business & everything in between. But right now I'm going to PASS OUT because I've been in OVERDRIVE mode since 5am and seeing as though I'm planning to repeat that tomorrow I'm going to have to get some shut eye :/ Don't forget to check out this months challenge. . . Juicy Bootay July (lolol sorry I couldn't help myself with the name). Tomorrow (7/3/12) I'll be breaking down the workout further and posting video, explanations, etc. On that note. . . nighty night ya'll :) 
KQ~

The Commercial made me do a COMPARISON. . .

I was sitting here a few days ago glued to the couch as I finished the names & addresses for our wedding guest list and a commercial for Wendy's Berry Almond Chicken Salad and it made me say hmmmmm how does this compare to Panera's Strawberry Poppy Seed Chicken Salad. First I said to myself  "Man oh Man Wendy's keeps trying to add new things to their menu to bring the customer in and show them they're trying to be healthier". Then I thought but is this salad really healthy as they're claiming it to be and if in a bind would this be a decent alternative for my clients.
So ladies & gentlemen let's commence the comparisons. . . .For starters I won't be doing a taste testing this until the weekend so we're going to go off of the nutritional value & ingredient lists only

WENDY'S: BERRY ALMOND CHICKEN SALAD (minus the dressing) 

PANERA BREAD: STRAWBERRY POPPY SEED CHICKEN SALAD (minus the dressing)

• CALORIES: Despite Panera's salad being bigger in size it packs less of a caloric punch when you subtract the dressing (however I will say when you add it to the salad it still wins this category) 
• FAT: Being that both contain nuts & chicken they should be very close in fat content and they are but what makes Wendy's salad have slightly more Fat than Panera's is that Wendy's include Asaigo Cheese. Now I'm unsure at this point if you're able to ask for this to be taken off or put to the side seeing as they they sometimes have the items like this in separate packets. So Panera wins this category too 
• CARBOHYDRATES: Ahhhhhh the category that drives most people BATTY. . .this should be an easy guess as to which one has more carbs than the other based on the ingredients and that would be Panera. Wendy's salad is only packing a total 19g of carbs because there are only 2 fruits included (Strawberries & Blueberries). Where on the other hand Panera has a total of 28g of carbs due mostly to the 4 fruits included on their salad (Strawberries, Blueberries, Mandarin Oranges & Pineapple). Now obviously you can pick and choose which ones you'd like to include or exclude on your salad to alter this number to better fit into your daily nutritional needs. I'm not going to sit here and preach your head off about eating fruit and where it falls on the glycemic index. I'll just say like with anything else be mindful and eat in moderation and only on occasion. Basically don't go and OD on fruit!! 
• SUGAR: I'll just glaze over this quickly but again Panera has the higher sugar content again because of all the fresh fruit included. Now if we use the basic 2000 calories a day intake then your daily sugar limit should be about 50g. So basically you'll go from there in determining what your intake would be based on how many calories you're consuming or should consume a day. With that being said this falls well within your daily allotment. Also the sugar from the fruit is so much better than that from juices or artificial additives added to most foods (high fructose corn syrup, dextrose, concentrated fruit juice sweetener, etc) 

• PROTEIN: Ok again the amount of protein should be the same since they both include chicken & nuts but Wendy's slightly edges out Panera.If you look at the chart above the chicken on both salads are giving you 25-27g of protein but when you look at Wendy's you'll see you're getting an extra 8g of protein which is coming from the cheese. So if you subtract the cheese like I would then these two would be almost identical in this category.
• SODIUM: Seeing as though this is NOT a major macronutrient category I thought it was still important to include it because people ignore this a lot of times when eating out, at home, frozen items etc. Now this category is where Panera BLOWS Wendy's out of the water!! Panera's sodium total is 220mg which is very acceptable and is coming mostly from the chicken. However our friend Wendy's is packing a WHOPPING 780mg of sodium. WHEWWWW LAWD THAT IS TOO MUCH!! For starters 470mg of that comes from the chicken so its a no brainer that salt is the major component in their seasoning process. Then the almonds have been roasted and topped with sea salt but that's only giving us 50mg which is acceptable, where we tip the scales is with the Asaigo Cheese. Yet another good reason to NOT include the cheese on this salad. If I were to eat this the way its included here my body would immediately tell me there was too much sodium because I tend to limit my intake. 

All in All I would say these 2 salads are kind of close in comparison on paper despite a few things that I would subtract for my personal taste. So if you find yourself in a PINCH and you've got to go out and make a quick choice this would suffice. But remember to evaluate your nutritional intake for the day and make substitutions and subtractions based on your needs for the day. Now the next thing for me to do is to give the Wendy's salad a try and report back to you.  However if any of you have tried it let us know whatcha think :)

Kenisha (KQ)

It's June and time to Get it Right, Get it Tight!!

I want to Thank You all who showed interest in participating on the June Mean Abs workout. I will be posting the workout daily on the fanpage and linking it back to this post on my blog so you'll be able to come here to review it. Also look for videos of me demonstrating the exercises and the alternatives you can use to get'er done!!

ACCOUNTABILITY IS KEY and I will be on ya'll like white on rice!! I want to hear about your progress, your frustrations, see pics, find out about those who you've talked into to joining us and anything else you'd like to share. Please feel free to post anything you want on the Fanpage regarding the Ab Challenge and anything else you'd like to post about that you want to know more about, vent about, etc. I look forward to seeing ya'lls AWESOME Abs come the end of June. . . Get it Right & Get it Tight!!

RECLAIM over now time to RELEASE

So my first 7 days are in the books and as you see I'm still here in one glorious piece :) Despite my minor setbacks that occurred during Days 5 & 6 I was able to bring things back together 100% during Day 7 and end the week on a high note. There's nothing real major to report in relation to the EATS as most of the meals were repeats of prior days:

• Breakfast - Oatmeal w/flaxseed, cinnamon, 1/2 cup chopped apple (which I mixed in my Oats) however I passed on the yogurt and went for 1/2 a Tropical Strawberry Shakeology. 
• Lunch - Zucchini-Cashew soup (ya'll know I was EXCITED about this one) and a Microgreen Salad.
• Dinner - Baked Tempeh (you know I PASSED) with steamed veggies & brown rice (I opted for Quinoa instead). Now I'm not sure if any of you saw the pic on my personal Facebook but as you'll see here LC was totally spoiled last night with his dinner while I stuck to my Reset. Needless to say he put his fork in my bowl and stole some of my veggies then asked could he have more. . . UMMMM NO, LOLOL!! 

Now let's talk stats real quick. . .I'm unsure if you've noticed or not but I haven't shared actual numbers with you in terms of my weight or measurements in the beginning of the Reset and I'm actually going to keep it that way but I will explain why. I am taking & tracking my measurements and weight but I'm not sharing it because I'm trying to no longer be defined or define myself by the numbers on the scale. However the numbers on the tape measure are a more realistic evaluation of where you are and the changes you're making. So what changes have I made, well first you need to know where I began which is about 12-15lbs over my normal maintenance weight. Also all my measurements: waist, hips/butt, thighs were all up 1.5 - 2.5inches which is about right in terms of my weight because some people have a theory that for every 5lb lost = 1inch weight loss where others its a 10lb lost = 1inch. Everyone is different and there is NO TRUE formula for this, so don't go quoting me on that one. However if we subscribe to one of those theories in this instance it would partially hold to be true because if I'm 12-15lbs over and we use the 10lbs = 1inch this formula would work out. Anywho, back to my stats LOLOL!! As of Day 7 I've lost 4.5lbs and .5inches in every location.

Enough of that now onto how generally feel overall and that is GREAT! For starters its not just the nutrition & supplementation that's making me feel better its the discipline & structure which are 2 things I live for and appreciate. Yes I am spontaneous in my life but when it comes to my fitness & nutrition I like a well laid out, organized & structured plan. Knowing that better explains to you why I'm feeling happy & at peace while others feel all out of sorts because this kind of structure is taking them out of their comfort zones. But not only is the structure helping me but the supplements what were prescribed last week were very influential too. There are 4 supplements for the Reclaim Phase which are the MAIN supplements and will remain in your plan throughout all 3 Phases. They are:  

• MINERALIZE- simply put this is pure Himalayan salt and its added to your water daily. We all need sodium/salt in our life but not the regular table salt most of us have at home and use. Regular table salt (sodium chloride) contains trace minerals that aren't good for us
• OXYGENIZE - ummmm obviously we need oxygen to live but the amount of oxygen atoms has significantly reduced over the years due to all the airborne pollutants. The addition of this supplement helps your body to detoxify and to begin to develop a stronger immune system 
• OPTIMIZE - this supplement is a blend of systematic enzymes that roll the clock back and brings your body back to operating at its full potential  
• ALKALINIZE - as I've mentioned before. . . a more pH balanced body is "less likely" to be vulnerable to inflammatory diseases, cancers, viruses, etc. And that's what this supplement is here to do for you. . .bring your body back to its natural pH balanced level

Well there you have it for my Reclaim Phase round-up and now I'm almost 1 day into the Release Phase which sees the introduction of the Detox supplement which I will discuss in another blog. On Thursday I'm heading home to South Carolina so now we'll have the added challenge of traveling and staying on task. I've already begun by purchasing some of my EATS to take with me and I sent my mom out to gather some fresh fruit for me. But as ya'll know she'll prolly have every snack under the sun up in her house, but I will have no problem fending off those temptations with the assistance of you guys!!

Hollatcha later cause I think I'm headed to get my wig done (again I don't wear a wig LOL just a term of endearment for my hair). I'll post a pic for ya'll to see once I'm done because the outcome will definitely surprise you

Kenisha (KQ) 

The BOTTOM "Almost" Fell Out!!

This weekend turned out to be a hectic one and because of that the bottom almost literally & figuratively fell out but I was able to keep it together. As I mentioned earlier Thursday night, Friday & Saturday constitute the weekend here in the Coleman House so that's when we veg out & do nothing or we're busy like little worker bee's doing EVERYTHING and this weekend was the latter!! So let's just jump right in with both feet and lemmi say, what had happened was. . . .

DAY 5. . .
For starters as you'll notice there are NO pictures displaying the food that I was fortunate enough to partake in. Now this is NOT because I didn't eat because I did. However I was unfortunately all over the place after breakfast which began properly with the a cup of oatmeal & 1/2 cup of blueberries & some walnuts mixed it. If there's one thing I've grown to love its my oats! I use them for any and everything too. Not only are they a breakfast item for me but they serve as a binder when certain meals are calling for bread crumbs, I just grind them up in my Ninja and use them as a substitute and no one ever knows :)  After I trained my Saturday AM client I came back home & prepped breakfast for the sleepy heads then had prepped my own lunch which was the remaining Quinoa from the night before with hummus & a raw veggie plate, again I was right on task and still feeling good. So I know now you're wondering when & how did my day fall apart. . . .well seeing as though our impending nuptials are approaching we both found it to be important that we sought premarital counseling from a Pastor to ensure we were on the right path and a Blessing over our marriage. Of all the places we could've looked, we found our Pastor/Counselor on the radio here in CT. His name is Dr Charles T. Brantley and he is AWESOME. . .fits right in with the crazy, quirky personalities that LC & I have. You can also find him on Facebook if you'd like to keep up with his going's on. Anywho back on track as to what that has to do with the Reset and all. . . you see we had an appt on Saturday so as to be prepared I made us both a Tropical Strawberry Shakeology treat thinking that'd hold us over.Well it didn't . . .we went to the mall before our appointment to grab a few things and look at some possible bridesmaid dresses. As it turns out  it was VERY HOT up in that piece and by the time we began I wasn't feeling well. I drank my shake but things were still off because I was light headed and just couldn't focus so thankfully I ran into a restaurant grabbed some mixed fruit (melons, cantaloupe, grapes & watermelon) along with a handful of cashews and I commenced to killing them & leaving no prisoners :) Once counseling was over and we arrived back home I was NOT in the mood for Miso soup because I wanted to EAT. The stir-fry veggies from the night before were a welcomed repeat tonight but instead of brown rice I opted for quinoa. Now I have to be honest. . .I found myself still hungry as the night went on so I had to have a small salad and I did throw some nuts on there :( :( :( Unfortunately its gets a lil worse on DAY 6

Urghhhh the dreaded DAY 6. Things here just started off on the wrong foot. But we'll highlight the positive first 6 days in 5lbs down WOOT!! WOOT!! My mind is clearer & more focused, I'm sleeping good and hard and overall I'm feeling good & looking good. Bloatage (yes I made up a word) in my lower abdomen has reduced significantly despite even though I haven't been a hostage to the bathroom and skin is clear which is a sign of toxins and junk no longer being present in the body. Now let me deliver the not so good info to ya. . .breakfast was slated to be whole grain toast = NOT EATING, tempeh = NOT EATING, avocado = NEVER TRIED & kale. Well this just had me all kinds of messed up because I didn't want any parts of this meal so instead I opted for a Tropical Strawberry Shakeology w/a few berries in it because I actually wasn't hungry. Of course later I found myself a pack of wolves we'll call HUNGER!! Without even hesitating I ate a handful of LC's honey roasted mixed nuts :( I Know, I Know I KNOW. . .  I set myself up for that and I was utterly pissed, angry, and disgusted with myself. So quickly prepped lunch which included quinoa salad & a microgreen salad. Since I'd done the ultimate NO, NO with the cashews I passed on the quinoa salad and ate the microgreens where I tried avocado for the first time and it was AWESOME! I have no idea why I've been hesitating to eat this all my life but it was mighty tasty. And I want to give a shout out & a huge THANK YOU to all the ladies who posted avocado recipe ideas yesterday on Facebook when I mentioned my new found treat. Despite my enjoyment of the avocado I was utterly disappointed in myself and was starting to have feelings & thoughts of failure but I had to quickly shake that off and say "I am Human!" "I did not totally WRECK my Reset journey with that 1 handful" and "I will no longer find myself unprepared as I did today & yesterday". . . whewwwwwww back on track and just in time for dinner which was INSANELY GOOD!! Listen I love veggies with a passion but WHO KNEW?!?! That's right who knew combining zucchini & cashews to make a soup would be so tasty I almost found myself licking the bowl then licking my fingers LOL. Ya'll it was so tasty I have no words, even LC tasted some and said "hmmmm this sure tastes better than it looks". Then he kept getting more but I had to make him slow his roll cause that was my dinner hehehe!! So yesterday ended fairly good despite my slight hiccup & disappoint in myself when it came to preparedness & self control. But we're over that now and we're moving on. NO DWELLING ON THE PAST . . . What's Done is Done. . . Move on and DO BETTER!!

Stay tuned for the wrap-up of the RELEASE phase in tomorrows post where I will also cover the supplements that I've been taking these last 7 days and the additions I will begin tomorrow. As always Love ya and praying for much success along your journeys!! 
KQ~

Slightly Changing the Game. . .

Hey ya'll I hope all is well on your end. So lemmi give you an update on my journey with the Ultimate Reset. Since we've last talked I've completed Days 3,4,5, & 6. Currently I'm on Day 7 and about to end Phase 1 - Reclaim. Now on these days I've had to make a few adjustments in the meal plan for several reasons:

• There are certain foods I KNOW I don't like and I'm not interested in trying AT ALL!!
• There are some items on the Reset that are Soy based products & choose not to eat those because of the high levels of estrogen. Being that I'm already struggling with a cortisol abnormality my estrogen levels are currently through the roof, so nooooo help needed from my EATS!!
• Lastly I had to alter my eats because I got caught unprepared and ya'll know that's not like #MsAlwaysPrepared 

So lemmi give you a quick overview of each day. . .

• DAY 3 

Now that I'm on the 3rd day of the Reset I find myself a lot more balanced and feeling balanced. Today's breakfast was a pretty much a repeat of Day 1 but instead of eating spinach I enjoyed my beloved kale :) I am here to tell you I left this meal feeling VERY satisfied because as you'll see in the picture I ate an obscene amount of kale and it was sooooo tasty!! Today was my Power Yoga class and I felt so much more flexible and open during my practice. I'm here to tell ya'll that if you're feeling tight & lacking flexibility, in need of a stress reliever or want to gain full body strength & control you should seriously look into Yoga. I know most people feel that its expensive but in the era of Groupons, Living Social deals and everything else they're sending us through email these days you'll be able to find a good deal in your area with no problem (I say this because I'm currently using a Groupon to attend my current classes & I just purchased another discounted month at another Yoga Studio in my area). Anywho lunchtime is when I started making changes but I stayed within the nutrients for the prescribed meal plan. With that being said I decided to go "Next Episode" on the black bean & rice tortilla situation and like last night it was so TASTY, add in my beloved kale and it was a well deserved & earned lunch. Dinner tonight was Nori Rolls w/Tempeh , Japanese cucumber salad  and Miso Soup. Wellllllllll Tempeh is a soy based product so needless to say this meal was not going down tonight. Instead I opted for a repeat of the Greek Salad w/Chicken from Day 2. I want to let ya'll know I have been making my own dressings per the recipes in the Reset and I am SO PROUD of myself. Check out the Garlic Dressing I've been using on the Garlic Salads

• DAY 4 . . . ohhhhhh my ohhhhhh my this is when things started getting a lil hairy. As it turns out ya'll my fiance LC is off on Friday's & Saturday's. So unlike everyone else Thursday night, Friday & Saturday constitutes our weekends around here and this is sometimes when things go haywire like they sort of did this weekend :( Despite the lack of preparedness that I'm going to share with ya'll I will at least give you the good news first which is up until this point I have lost 3.5lbs. I'm not suffering any major hunger pains, no headaches or any uncomfortableness (stay tuned for what's to come though).  Today actually started as an early day seeing as though LC needed to drop his truck at the shop. Then to my surprise he wanted to go ahead and get in early AM cardio/workout which is exactly what we did. Once home I at breakfast as prescribed which was 2 cups of fruit (1 green apple & a cup of blueberries) and a 1/2 cup Greek yogurt but I decided to forgo the whole grain toast and replaced it with a few walnuts. After eating this and continuing to rehydrate myself from the buckets of sweat I was pouring during my cardio session my sweets asked me on a mid-day Date to see The Avengers and as expected it was GREAT. But ummmm NOTE TO SELF: check the length of the movie next time and use the restroom before it starts because having a full bladder makes it hard to focus. . . #kwim!! As luck would have it when we were done LC had me running around with him and I found myself STARVING but I refused to eat anything while we were out so once I returned home and I HULK SMASHED a salad from a previous day in the reset. I'm sorry there was no pics but I would've probably eaten the camera had I tried using it. When dinner arrived I was excited to try Quinoa for the first time along with partaking in some tasty stir-fry veggies. This was so good I had to go back for more veggies leaving me happily satisfied. 

We'll bring this post to a close and move on to DAYS 5 & 6 in the next post where I share with you how things almost fell completely apart


As always please feel free to contact me with questions, information, etc regarding Personal Training, The Ultimate Reset,or any other Beachbody Products
KQ~

All Hail the Kale!!

Most of you already know I "Ride or Die" for some Kale. Heck I Love Veggies in general but I really do like Kale, Collards, Cabbage, etc and as luck would have it this delicious veggie shows up multiple times throughout the Beachbody Ultimate Reset and I couldn't be HAPPIER!! Now to top things off not only is Kale delicious but it is a nutritional POWERHOUSE!!

Let's breakdown the nutritional value first for 1 (one) cup of Kale:

• Diet
• 36 Calories & 0grams (ZERO) of Fat
  
• 5grams of Fiber which promotes regular digestion, prevents constipation (keeping it REAL here), lowers blood sugar & curbs overeating
• 15% of your daily requirement for Calcium & B6
• 1,020% of your daily Vitamin K requirement

•  Antioxidants
• superstar in the when it comes to Carotenoids & Flavonoids which have been shown to fight against the formation of  Cancerous cells. And its rich in Vitamins A & C and manganese

• Anti-Inflammatory. . .ohhhh who wouldn't use a lil reduce inflammation these days?? LOLOL
• with just a serving you're getting 10% of your daily omega-3 fatty acids, which is what helps regulate the bodies inflammatory process and this reduces the formation of inflammatory diseases such as arthritis, autoimmune disorders & asthma

•  The Big C. . .Cancer
• As we discussed earlier it helps in the reduction on cancer causing cells but a healthy diet of Kale also provides Glucosinolates which have been proven to prevent colon, breast, bladder, prostate, ovarian & even gastric cancers

• Cardiovascular Support . . .NO it won't make you run further or faster on the treddy
• However the high fiber content in Kale lowers your cholesterol when it binds with the bile acids produced in the liver. Lower cholesterol further reduces your chances for heart disease 

Now enough of the mumbo jumbo lets talk about cooking and eating this Nutritious Masterpiece. Get a pot, put in some water & seasoning, let it simmer a little a toss in the Kale. . . YES its that SIMPLE!! I mean if you've ever cooked collards then you can cook kale. Now another route is to saute your beautiful leafy vegetable by finding a big enough pan, warming it up then adding coconut or olive oil, maybe a little minced garlic then toss your kale around in the pan until its soft but still has a bite to it. Remember. . .NO Chew then it's NOT Good for you!! I also like making casseroles and you can find here & here from my pics.

But lemmi get off my Kale obsession and talk about the  Ultimate Reset which supposed to be the main purpose of this blog LOLOL. To sum it up. . . All is going Well!! Yesterday's eats were very delicious and filling, I slept like NO OTHER last night and I'm down 2.5 lbs. BTW since I was feeling so good yesterday I did a little low & slow cardio followed by a kick a$$ yoga class that nearly killed me! For now we'll leave it at that and share with you a pic of my EATS from yesterday . . . more to come on the Reset, how I'm feeling, workouts, stretches, etc that I'm doing and anything else random that I seem to enjoy  talking about!

Stay Fit, Fine & Fabulous!!
Kenisha (KQ)

I survived Reset Day1. . .

Well #UltimateReset Day 1 is in the books and I SURVIVED!!  LOL actually there was no question in my mind that I'd make it. However changing up the game and doing something you've never done before can give you a little anxiety because you don't know what to expect. Unfortunately my BUR (Beachbody Ultimate Reset) package didn't come as early as planned so I only had enough grocery to make it though breakfast. Now I'm not a big bread eater so this one was difficult for me to deal with mainly because I don't have bread in my house. I know that sounds crazy but its true. However I did have whole wheat Arnold's Sandwich Thins and that was good enough for me. I was also out of kale and only had spinach and I DON'T like  cooked spinach. . . .ewwwwwwwwww YUCK!! I'll eat it all day raw or mixed in an omelet but not just steamed by itself so I decided to mix it with my eggs, put it on top of my sandwich thins and make a "bootleg" egg & spinach sandwich. Hey when in doubt, figure a way to work it out ;)

After hustling to BJ's, Trader Joes, Walmart & my local Vitamin/Health food store to complete my shopping list, I was finally ready to go home and have lunch. And trust me I was HONGRY because I'd waited a little longer than expected to eat. Now it may not be necessary for you to visit more than 1 store to get the things you need but I did this because 1) several of those stores are right by my house and 2) I know I can purchase certain products significantly cheaper at certain stores. Going to your local Whole Foods, Trader Joes, Earthfare, Sprouts, etc should be sufficient to get the majority of your shopping done.
Lunch made me happy because it was salad and as ya'll know I LOVE Salads!! But what made this experience more entertaining than usual was I made my own Vinaigrette dressing using the instructions that are provided for you on both the DVD & on the Beachbody Ultimate Reset site. I'm here to tell ya I was very pleased with what I created because it was T-A-S-T-Y!!

Resting your body is a vital part of this process as you're already getting an internal workout with the Reset. So there's no need to put your body through strenous workouts. No worries though you're not going to loose any massive amounts of muscle and the rest that you've given your  body will repay you when you return to your workouts because you've allowed your body to rest & recuperate thus leaving your recuperated & recharged!! Despite not being able to train hard it is suggested that you stretch or walk so I figured what better way to stretch then to go to Yoga. Unfortunately due to the crazy traffic and rode blocks last night I was LATE so I didn't get to participate :( Instead I went home and preformed some stretches and began making dinner for myself & my family. Now dinner was INSANELY good!! OMG. . . nothing could've made me happier than to see salmon & asparagus on the menu. I was a little thrown off again because of the white potatoes as I don't eat those either, I'm usually a sweet potato kinda girl, but I stomached them anyway and had found everything to be very filling!! I also decided to start prepping some of my food for the remainder of the week which proved to be VERY SMART this morning. Ohhhh I'd like to add that I needed to have a Tropical Strawberry Shakeology +  12 almonds yesterday for a snack.

Stomaching the supplements that are required during the Reset was actually pretty easy. For days now I've been hearing others complain about the Alkalinize and its terrible awful taste but I chugged it right down with ease. I'm not sure if that's because of my years of teaching myself how to eat things that aren't otherwise appealing or if it just doesn't taste that bad in general?!? All in All it was a GREAT day and today seems to be going along just as smooth if not smoother :) I'm also weighing in daily and taking measurements with the tape measure only once a week. I will report to you the changes at the end of each week. I'll be back atcha tomorrow with a round up of how ends up going. Until then ya'll have a good one and make sure No matter the Situation or Circumstances . . . Get Up, Get Out, and Get'er Done!!

Kenisha (KQ)

Finally organzing all my Vids

 Well I've been sitting here going through all my videos between here, Facebook, YouTube & my cellphone to make sure I've shared all of them with ya'll and I think I was successful. So if ya have a spare minute feel free to check'em out by viewing my Video page. I'll be recording some new workout videos VERY SOON because I've finally purchased a tripod so I can stop trying to rig inventive ways to capture the shot. I hope you enjoy and if you'd like to see anything special let me know
KQ~

Continuation of Part 2: The STRAWS that BROKE the Camels back!!

Okie Dokie . . .I'm all hydrated and I've got some much needed EATS in my belly, so now I can continue. If you need a recap on the background you can get click here to get Part 1 & the beginning of Part 2

HURTING THOSE WHO LOVE ME 

Well again this is a very self explanatory subject but I'll still get into specifics and how it affected me. The Loved ones I'm referring to are not only Family but Friends & Fans!! I realized that I was hurting almost everyone who cared for me and about me and that made me feel very selfish, self centered and sad that I'd let this drama get out of control. 

• So I'll address the Family first and talk about LC. . .this man is the LOVE OF MY LIFE!! I'm going to be real here and tell ya I can't say from the day I met him (because that'd be crazy) but I can say that shortly after I truly got to know him which has now been almost 11yrs, I fell in love with the person he was, with the FREEDOM & JOY he possesses and the HAPPINESS I feel when we were together. 

here's a pic of us years ago at my sisters wedding and another one more recently at a friends wedding

If there is one person other than my mother who has seen this transformation in almost every form its taken its him. I have to admit that I've verbally hidden a lot of what I'm feeling from him. And late one night I shared with him all of what I'm sharing with you all and will continue to share in this post and to my surprise because he knows me so well he  told me that he was completely aware the entire time of what I was putting myself through. He also shared with me that I shouldn't be driving myself nuts like I am because I look good and that he loved me back in the day when I was thicker, he loved me when I was a "Skinny with a Big Head" (yes he did say that cause he's crazy) and he loves me now the way I am because I'm just fine. Of course I'm a sap and was all touched and moved to tears hehehe. I also realized that it was really hurting & bothering him to see me like this so yet another reason why I had to address my issues. 

• Now onto my Friends . . . ohhhhhhh have I put these ladies through h#ll with my rants & raves!!  It is sad & embarrassing to say there have been 1 too many "Come To Jesus" meetings held between myself and each one of them. These special ladies (Kendra, Heather, Liz, Paula & Michelle) have all told me the same thing in their unique way (some harsher than others I'll admit) that I am living in a world of delusion and I need to be at peace with myself and happy with what I've accomplished through this life long journey. These ladies have preached to me, shared tears with me, yelled at me, virtually slapped me through the phone and everything else you can imagine. I want to apologize for driving them batty and I want to Thank them from the bottom of my heart for doing their best to make me realize my accomplishments and that I had some unresolved issues on the table. Please know that nothing that was said or done to help me fell on deaf ears or was met with an empty heart. I heard it all, I took it all in and to heart and because of you I am THANKFUL and I am HEALING!!
• For my Fan & Followers I'll briefly touch on it here but more in depth in the next topic but I have been completely unfair and hurtful to you too!! There are so many things that I have on mind, on my to do list and in my heart to share with you all about Health, Fitness, Realizing a Dream, Making it though tough times, etc but I can't get to them for being so enthralled in my own madness & drama!! I have missed so many emails, responding to messages & requests for help only because I can't get out of my own way to see that I was put here for a much larger purpose than just helping myself. . .

REALIZING I FORGOT HIS PURPOSE FOR ME

And that's what brings us to this next "Straw" . . . My Purpose!! I have always loved Health & Fitness but long ago when I was in college I didn't follow my first mind or heart and pursue it as a career. Instead I did what my parents/family thought would be lucrative for me as an adult. But when I was faced with the daunting task and journey to loose 100lbs I decided it was time to follow my heart. I also prayed to God for direction and help through that journey. And as I went through the process he showed me that I was helping others go through similar journey's and that I had a higher purpose than myself here which was serving others. But somewhere along the line I forgot the Purpose and got caught up in what I've explained to you all before was supposed to only be something on my to do list/a goal/challenge/task for myself. Instead it grew into an obsession, it consumed my life, my every thought, my every step until it almost ate me alive.  Sure I'm Thankful for the path I traveled getting there and where it has led me since because without either there would be no growth. But I am also very sorry and apologize to you all and to God for forgetting why I am here in the first place. Writing these last few blogs are part of my servitude to you all & the Lord. By again revealing what I'm dealing with and going through I hope I am helping someone come to terms with their demons, issues, trials & tribulations, etc as they too successfully travel through their journeys. I so want this for myself and for everyone because I want us to all gather and celebrate our renewed being both inside and out!!!

THE SIGN SAID "NO" 

Last Monday @ 445am I was faced with the LAST STRAW that broke my camels back!! Not that my life is any real big secret but there are somethings I've kept to myself, one of which I'm about to divulge to you right now. Despite how energetic and young I may look I will be 35yrs old in a few weeks and by the Grace of God I am fortunate enough to be marrying the Love of my Life and we will become ONE and start our family together. Now I'm grown. . .you're grown and I'm gonna keep it real here and say that neither one of us is getting any younger and the clock isn't rolling backwards nor is it standing still so we've been actively trying to have a child together. Despite being happy about this I initially thought I was conflicted, let me explain. . .part of me felt A) if I end up preggers I'd be happy that I am but sad I can't compete (remember at the time I was still caught up in me) or B) if I wasn't preggers I'd be sad that I'm not but happy that I can compete. . . UTTER INSANITY let me tell ya!!

But let me take you back to last Monday when the rubber met the road and my true feelings were revealed. I could barely sleep Sunday night knowing that Monday morning I was going to take a test to find out if we'll be having a baby or not. I mean I woke up almost every hour on the hour and finally when the alarm went off @ 445am for spin class I jumped out of the bed and raced to take a test only for it to say NO!! I WAS TOTALLY & COMPLETELY DEVASTATED!! I realized in that instance that is something I truly want, that I had been so caught up in my mental drama, internal h#ll, and self-indulged foolishness that I hadn't been honest with myself and my true feelings in my heart. After reading the results of the test I was literally paralyzed  by the sadness that had come over me and I laid on the bathroom floor for awhile yet again covered in my tears & disappointment. Then I decided to crawl back into bed and try to sleep it off. Well I slept but I'm also here to tell you that all I dreamt about was that negative test, having another child, the disappoint I felt LC would have in me because of what I'd done to my body over the course of last year and worrying would I even be able to have another child. 

As soon as he woke up that morning he said to me. . . "you didn't go to spin?", I said "no" then he looked at me in a confused fashion and said "What's wrong?", I quickly said "NOTHING" then jumped up and carried on with my day. Now ya'll know that didn't stop him from asking me 50 million more times but I continued to respond with "nothing". It wasn't until a few days later that I confessed what happened that morning (again he already knew) and confessed my real feelings and all the other things you've read over these last 3 blog entries. He reassured me that there is no disappointment and reminded me that in God's time we will be blessed with another lil munchkin. He also agreed with my desire for help and supports me 100% as he has done this entire time. 

IN THE END. . .

All of these things that I have mentioned over these last few blogs and days all added up to where I am now which is working my way back on track. On Saturday I had the most freeing run of my life that helped clear my heart & my mind for the breakthrough and wonderful things that are yet to come. And trust me my BREAKTHROUGH is coming. So everyday is another day in my healing process, in my quest to get back to my purpose and my real self and another day to be reminded that . . . God won't take you to what he can't take you through!! On that note I will wrap up this lil confession and get back to work, but know The Real KQ is in the house again and she's ready to RUMBLE!!!

Love all of ya'll & wishing much Success & Blessings on your journey!!

KQ~

Part 2: The STRAWS that BROKE the Camels back!!

Now you know about the H#LL I've been living in and how I got there. . . unfortunately I'm still in the midst of it but I'm working my way through and as the song says I'm "Coming Out of the Dark!!" But what was it that finally took me over the edge and made me recognize that I had a REAL PROBLEM?!?! Ohhhhh there were so many things, so many signs, so many instances, comments, thoughts, etc that happened that told me I was dealing with some serious issues but I ignored them, laughed them off, diverted my attention to something else for the time being and things continue to fester and grow. Finally I decided to acknowledge there's a REAL ISSUE here that needs to be taken care of and it was time to ask for help & help myself!
Recognizing that there's an issue and doing something to work on it is a VERY IMPORTANT and I'm THANKFUL  that I'm getting the opportunity to do just that. Unfortunately a lot times people don't get this opportunity and when they do there's a lack of recognizing a REAL ISSUE exists. So here are the straws that finally broke my camels back and made me recognize I had a problem . . .

COVERED IN FEARS & TEARS  

As crazy as it sounds this particular situation is something that has happened one too many times in the last several months. And there's some very poignant ones that stand out the most that I want to share with you. . . 

• We were in Queens this past September for the US Open and I ran across yet another blog of a competitor who'd put her body through the wringer all in the name of a blingy suit, a spray tan and a pair of 5in heels and it completely floored me and had me in FEAR because all of what she discussed sounded like she was talking about me and not herself. If you'd like to read the blog in its entirety you can view it here. But just like the blog post that sparked my writing this she discussed some of the same things. . .loss of cycle, Fat Burners, too much caffeine, liver & kidney failure, cortisol levels through the roof and so much more. It was totally & utterly scary and it had me in tears thinking about myself and had I caused this kind of damage to my body all in the name of a blingy suit, spray tan (cause ya'll know a sista don't have any color, LOLOL), Dominican blowout and some 5in heels?!?! As I stated in part 1 . . .I then decided to fall back a little on my training and strict dieting to give my body a rest
• But the insanity, fears, tears & sadness didn't stop there. One night not too long ago LC wanted us to go out to have some fun dancing & laughing which is something with LOVE doing together. And usual I began stressing over what I was going to wear because again as I stated in Part 1 in order to give my body a rest & let it reset I'd picked up a few extra pounds I wasn't happy about. So as he showered and prepared himself I literally sat in the buff on the bedroom floor in a pool of tears. He had NO IDEA this was going on but I was covered in a mountain of clothes on the floor and a bucket full of my tears just tearing myself down from the inside out about how awful I looked. Now the real sad part is this wasn't the 1st, 2nd or 3rd time this happened. . . it was an ongoing thing and I really was sick and tired of it. I got up and got dressed, did my hair & makeup then took pics of myself smiling and what not trying to convince myself I was happy all the while I knew I wasn't! And unfortunately I know it showed when we were out together b/c I wasn't comfortable in my skin despite the fact of everyone complimenting us or checking us out. I felt like a stranger in my own Body/Life
• As ya'll already know I work from home and please believe me I am BLESSED to do so. But sometimes that's where insanity & obsession can take over when one gets consumed with negative thoughts of themselves. And that's exactly what was happening to me. I would find myself going from mirror to mirror looking at myself, my thighs, my back, my stomach. . .or whatever the day's depression body part was. After doing this several times one day I just yelled out loud "ENOUGH KENISHA. . .ENOUGH!!" I quickly fell to my knees and began to pray and ask God to deliver me from this prison that I've voluntarily put myself in. I prayed so long & so hard I was covered in sweat and tears. And just when I thought I was done I prayed some more, I confessed some more, I asked for guidance, to be freed, to remember not only who I was but whom I was which is HIS!! This really was a major turning point in my most recent journey & I'm So Thankful for it!!

THE LITTLE PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS WATCHING

Most of ya'll already know I have a BEAUTIFUL 7yr old daughter who is my WORLD!! And the funny thing about her is she is very much both her Mommy & her Daddy. Let me explain. . .although both her dad & I are in I.T. he's a much bigger techie than me and trust me when  I tell you that my munchkin is technically savvy and has been since birth almost. She's this way because she's watched fer dad and wanted to do what he did. I mean seriously check out the picture to your right  you can't tell that little baby she's not getting work done LOLOL!! Now she's got more technology then most adults: 2 computers, awesome digital camera, 3 Nintendo DS devices, knows how to Skype, email, teaches my mom & other older folks how to do things on the internet and lets not forget that she's talking about a cellphone but she can FORGET that if I have anything to do with it. In my defense I didn't purchase all these things, most of them her dad passed down to her as he had no more use for them. Well on the flip side of that technology world she and wants to be an athlete like her mommy and looooooooooves going to the gym and working with me & training my clients. This little girl can keep up in my bootcamps better than some adults and is a pure joy to watch in action. The natural ability is remarkable and I'm sure most of you have seen the videos of her working out but here's another one of her running stairs with me this summer getting it in with perfect form!!

 

I just can't begin to explain the joy and happiness I feel when I watch her become pure GREATNESS in front of my eyes. There was one day in particular when I caught her getting on the scale and talking about how she needed to know what she weighed so she could get in shape. OMG I was FLOORED & EMBARRASSED knowing that she's watching my every move and knowing that she's seen & heard some of my insanity just KILLED me on the inside. There was another time when she caught my going in my stash of hidden nuts in the car and she said "Mommy why are you hiding nuts? I mean if its ok for you to have them why hide them and why do you have so many? Mommy this just looks CRAZY!!" She was right and I vowed from that point on I was going to correct my actions because  I didn't want my insanities and insecurities to rub off on such a Beautiful Creation in the making!! 

I'm going to pause for the cause here so I can go hydrate & feed myself and you can do the same, then I'll  continue Part 2 in the next blog where I'll address the last 2 "Straws"

HURTING THOSE WHO LOVE ME
REALIZING I FORGOT HIS PURPOSE FOR ME
THE SIGN SAID "NO"

KQ~

Part 1: How I came to reside in my private internal H#LL

Lately I haven't blogged much and it is mostly due to several internal struggles that I've been wrestling with in my life and today it's time to set myself FREE and come CLEAN!! I'm writing this blog as step in my healing process that is only just beginning and will probably be a long journey seeing as though I didn't get here over night. So here goes .  . 

I HAVE QUIETLY BEEN LIVING IN MY OWN SELF-INFLICTED H#LL . . .MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY & EMOTIONALLY AND I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!!

Yesterday I was BLESSED & FORTUNATE to read a post from a blog that I follow where the topic was why she'd never compete again. It turned out that as I read this post the final straw that was needed to break the camels back had been found!! Those closest to me know that since I decided this past Fall that I wasn't going to compete anymore in 2011 that I've had some emotional struggles and have been dealing with an extremely distorted view of myself, my physique and also my self worth in the world of Health & Fitness. Now I know in reading that 1 sentence it's very hard for most people to even fathom this because I always present a positive and upbeat attitude and I've always got encouraging words of support. And as crazy as it seems lately I've been GREAT at leading others, giving them fitness & nutrition advice, getting them back on track, getting them to see the Big Picture and not be so focused on the scale and this and that and the other which will keep them from reaching their goals. . . but when it comes to myself I SUCK!!

 MY INTERNAL H#LL & HOW I CAME TO RESIDE THERE. . .
After stepping away from the stage I maintained a pretty satisfactory physique for a long time then slowly I began giving myself a much needed break in my strict nutrition and workout schedule to allow my body to "heal". Heal from what you ask . . . well as luck would have it I lost my cycle March 2011 and now I had gone several months without one (everyone knows that's NOT good) and it was beginning to scare me seeing as though I'd like to have another child in the near future. Already at this point I was secretly downing myself all day everyday. I would look in the mirror and poke at this, pinch at that, say I was fat, talk about my disgust with this body part and that body part and how could I be so awful looking after I worked so hard earlier in the year and made such an impressive appearance on stage. It was and still is a constant battle everyday. . . I'd gotten so bad I was pinching and poking at things without even knowing I was doing it until LC would say "Stop That!!" Now I'll be honest and let you know he had a few select expletives he added to spice things up but I decided for the purpose of this blog I'd leave those out hehehe!! Anywho. . .During this time I tormented him, my friends (Kendra, Liz, Paula & Heather) and mostly MYSELF everyday with my insanity. But truthfully this isn't where it all began. For the real & honest picture I had to take a step back realize it started during my first year of competing.
After going 5-6 years of trying to get on stage and overcoming almost every obstacle you could imagine a Dream was finally realized April 2010. At that time I looked better than I had in years and I felt GREAT! I went on stage and did well for my first time. . .then I graced the stage again looking even better and the outcome reflected it. By then I'd moved to CT and decided it was time to focus on building my life & home here so I let the reigns go a little and that's where the obsession started. The holidays were over, I'd put some if not most of my weight back on and I was DISGUSTED with myself. Instead of taking a step back then and allowing myself to realize I was perfectly alright I decided 2011 was my year and I jump in feet first and moved full steam ahead. Looking back I realize why I did that then and why I've been doing it now. . . it was the Fear of the Fat Gurl who still resides in me. It was the constant comparing myself to this person & that person, their journey and their background, also comparing myself to who I once was, ultimately all of this became my driving force but in a negative way (this is something I'm finally realizing)!! This caused me to loose focus on my purpose and get caught up in what was supposed to be a little challenge for myself. Instead it became my LIFE!! It was my everything. . . all I talked about, all I did, all I thought about. . . my constant 24/7 focus. However instead of being pleased with myself and my progress as I got leaner & leaner I became more dissatisfied with myself and found more & more things to criticize. Instead of being a wake-up call it gave me more fuel to my fire. And let me tell you that little spark did more then ignite a flame. . . .it became a full blown Smokey The Bear type of forest fire. . .

Now I find myself in a full blown H#LL feeling like I'm trapped with no way to escape. . . but The Devil is a Liar!! I would look at myself and see despair, disappointment, discouragement, disgust, and just dayum right foolishness (I had to think of another D word hehehe)!! Family, friends, fans, strangers, etc would compliment me on my physique or how fit I looked and before I could say Thank You I would say something negative or think something negative. Do you know I caught myself telling someone a few weeks ago that  I'd rather claw my eyes out rather than look at myself the way I am right now!! This was of course after he said

"You know I never got a chance to tell you what a good job you did last year preparing for your shows and how good you looked. And I don't mean any harm or disrespect by saying this but you were entirely too small, but you look GREAT now!! Keep up the good work!!" 

All I could think after he said that was "who is he to say I was too small", "why would he think that I look good the way I am . . .doesn't he see my fat this and my fat that and how awful I look right now?" His comments made me start doing more and more self-evaluation but still my insanity continued. I found myself being unable to get dressed to go somewhere with my fiance and enjoy myself without being in utter disgust of how I looked, constantly looking in the mirror, the store window, etc without making internal negative comments to myself. By the way this is something that has gone on for over 2yrs, its just gotten worse and more uncontrollable now. I knew I had an issue, I thought I wanted help, I would apologize to those around me over and over yet I wouldn't change what I was doing. I was like a drug addict or alcoholic who used to hide their addiction until it took over their lives and they could no longer keep it under wraps. Sad to say but reminiscent of what happened to Whitney Houston. . . this was another situation that sparked deep thought on my part because she may have been slowly killing herself with drugs, alcohol and all the other damaging things she was doing to her body but how am I any different?? Here I was physically pushing myself to the limits where I had no cycle, my body was vitamin & nutrient deficient, hernia was flaring up and on the verge of causing me serious damage which would possibly require emergency surgery. Then as I mentioned earlier . . . I read the blog post and decided ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH!!

KQ~

**Stay tuned for Part 2**