Tuesday, February 8, 2011

On an Emotional Rollercoaster!!

I am usually the person that's always upbeat and happy who keeps everyone positive and motivated, fired up and laughing . . .BUT right now that's NOT who I am!! Currently I'm on a serious "Emotional Rollercoaster" and I want off ASAP!!
This is a good visual description of how my roller coaster looks

This rollercoaster  ride started Wednesday when I spent 17hrs getting from Connecticut to Dallas. It was honestly the WORST experience of my life but I handled it in stride and said I couldn't be mad because it was weather related and I tried to make lemonade out of lemons by working out, talking to people and continuing to eat clean. But knowingly the damage had be done!! Once I got to Dallas the weather went from bad to worse for them and it snowed and ya'll know they couldn't handle that so there I was basically stranded in the room but again I made the best of it by staying on top of my eats and working out. Finally the weather broke so LC & I had planned to hit the town a few nights like we did in Miami last year and have a blast . . . THAT WAS AN EPIC FAILURE!! The best part of the trip was I finally got to meet up with my friend Kendra and we had a KILLER workout, went to eat and she took me to get my beloved cocoa almonds. It was GREAT!! Unfortunately I had to fly back Sunday because that was the only day I could get a flight out and everything was going smooth until I got to D.C. and find out that United so graciously canceled my flight and I wasn't gonna get home until midnight at the earliest. Needless to say I flipped out because that meant another 7hrs in an airport. I completely lost it and went into a ranting & raving fussing & cussing fest. Then I broke down and ate some of the cocoa almonds I had in my bag and that made me feel worse about myself. And that's when the rollercoaster really took off.
Today is Tuesday and I've been crying on and off about this and that since Sunday and I'm just ready to be over it because I so hate being in these types of moods for several reasons the main one being its Counterproductive:
  • what can you get accomplished when you're experiencing these highs & lows
  • normally when you're experiencing highs & lows like this your stress level is high which makes your cortisol levels rise which can in turn cause you to hold more fat (so NOT good!!)
  • self-doubt and all kinds of negative thoughts start creeping in . . . and that's where I'm at right now
  • emotional eating (Thank God I only have clean food in my house which keeps me from consuming the wrong thing)
I so desperately want to dig myself out of this emotional rut but it's proving to be harder then usual this time around. I will admit to you all I am VERY hard on myself and set VERY high expectations and standards that I do my best to attain, so when I'm not meeting those expectations I immediately feel like a failure. Now I know deep down inside I'm not a failure and that I've come a long way in life but I want MORE for myself, is that so wrong?!? I honestly don't think so but I'm going to have to get some perspective when it comes to handling setbacks and whatever other issues arise. I will say that blogging and getting it out is one of the BEST ways for me to release myself. I honestly feel better now that I've let it out a bit and I'm going to gather myself and head out the door for an awesome workout and maybe after that I'll troll around some stores and get some visual retail therapy :) So thank you for listening and I hope to report back to you in a few days with a much better deposition because this one is CRAPPY!!

KQ (desperately trying to keep my head up)