Ready, Set, Gooooooooo!!!

That's right . . . Tomorrow is the BIG DAY again!!
Now just a little history . . . last year this time I was competing in my very 1st show and it was this exact same one which is why I HAD to compete in it again this year. Last year however I was in the fitness model category which was fine but now I'm where I belong which is FIGURE baby!!!

here's a pic from last years show (4/2010)

And just to recap last year as always I wanted to win but my main goal was Top 10 and I achieved that by placing 8th. I was happy with that and I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I learned a lot, I met a lot of great people and the fire was lit in my belly!! I honestly don't normally talk weight or anything like that except the fact of the total weight I've lost in this journey but I will share that I went into this show between 153-155ish which was AIIIIIIIIIIIGHT but NOT acceptable on any level if I was really trying to make my mark.

pic from 4/16/2010 show

For the show that just passed on the 16th I was the Leanest & Meanest I've ever been and walked on stage at an AWESOMELY SMOKING 143-145lbs. I felt GREAT, I looked GREAT & the outcome was GREAT!! Ya'll know as always I wanted to win but Top 5 was the plan and again I had another SUCCESSFUL mission and placed 5th. I still have lots to learn and was given great advice from my trainer who has been a complete God Send!! I have listened to him 100% and stuck to the plan and have been more then PLEASED with the results. So I know if I keep sticking with him and doing as I'm told I will continue to see the results on and off the stage that I desire.
With that being said lets talk about this show and were I'm coming in at . . . HOLD YOUR HATS FOR THIS ONE . . . As of this AM I weighed in at

140 lbs

WHAT?!?! WHAT?!?! Ya'll betta act like you know!! Who would've ever thought?!?! NOT ME!! I made myself several promises when I started this journey almost 6yrs ago that I wanted a better body then I had when I was a teenager and NOW I HAVE IT and I WORKED FOR IT!! I'm just so overcome with emotions I can't even begin to explain it to ya'll. There are times when I think back I can just cry for the sake of crying because I was DELIVERED from being overweight!! Heck even when I thought I was "right" I was "wrong" LOLOL! I so hate the word I'm about to use but it's all so "surreal" to me. I saw this body in my mind but I never thought I'd attain it or better yet I didn't know how or if it was even possible for me to attain it.
So now we approaching another Showtime and like normal I WANNA WIN!! And without a shadow of doubt I believe I have exactly what it takes to make that possible but there's always a goal which is Top 3 this time and I know I'm rocking a Top 3 body. With that being said I'm going to go out there tomorrow and present to them with my physique in the BEST WAY I know how and the cards will fall where they may. Regardless of the outcome I want ya'll to know I'm already a WINNER!!! So with that being said I'm going to wrap this blog up and get ready to get my tan and rest for the remainder of the day. . . As always I LOVE YA'LL & Thank Ya'll from the bottom of my heart for all the support and kind words. I'll keep ya posted on the progress of the day and I'll post links to the site where you can watch it live.
KQ

I'm NOT the Big Girl they said I was . . .

I'm sure MANY of you will be able to relate to what I'm about to say today and why I'm saying it, but. . .

I'M NOT THE BIG GIRL THEY SAID I WAS!!!

So why am I saying this and where'd it come from all of a sudden. Well those answers are pretty dern simple, you see what had happened was (LOLOL) . . . This morning LC had to be up at like 4:30am for work (odd for him to have to be the one waking up early instead of me, but it was his turn for a change). So when he got up I turned on the TV and there was some fitness infomercial on (don't get me to lying cause I don't remember which one?!?!). While I was partially awake and listening to the infomercial this lady says "I'm NOT the Big Girl they always said I was". WOWOWOW!! At that exact moment I woke up (briefly) and listened to her because I could totally relate. To give you a little background history I am the youngest by 9+ years of 2 girls. My older sister was a model and she was the ISH on the runway & in pics (still is. . . she will serve it up on the runway like none other). So obviously she was Tall & Uber Thin & HAWT and as I grew up I was the Bigger one. Now I'm sure my friends and family meant nothing by it but when I would say I wanted a haircut like hers or to wear something or whatever I'd hear . . . "Oh you can't do that because. . .your necks too big, you're too muscular, you're the Bigger one, etc". So hearing that I grew up always thinking I was the Big Girl and that was that. 

Needless to say I was in shape through high school and college for the most part but still I was BIGGER. Bigger then my mom, my sister, my friends heck everyone except for the few chicks who were taller than me and even they were slender in comparison to me. But hey it was no biggie I accepted it and kept it moving. As I got older I was that "Thick Chick", "Dragging a Wagon", "Big Seat" and all other names folks could think of to describe me and again I accepted it because that's who I was Right?!?!? Well once I hit 245lbs I felt for sure everyone was right but I was so uncomfortable & UNHAPPY. . . so were they Right about me or not?!?!

NO THEY WERE WRONG. . . I wasn't that person and I quickly found it out as I started my weight loss journey! As I began to shed the weight I started seeing The REAL Me then I really became confused because now the person whom I thought I was, whom I had been told I was, whom I'd even seen in the mirror previously was NOT real!! This was the REAL me. . .long, lean, fit, fabulous & FIERCE! Despite recognizing this new person and trying my best to enjoy her I still DIDN'T ACCEPT IT!! I still saw myself with my FAT mind. I shopped (and still shop) with my Fat mind, I look down at my legs or my body and my FAT mind tells me it's something different then I really know it is. I am HONESTLY admitting that only RECENTLY, and when I say recently I mean in the last few days after looking at pics of myself from the show, do I TRULY see myself as that LONG, LEAN, FIT, FABULOUS & FIERCE chick who's been living inside of me for 34 years. 

All of this is to say . . . PLEASE BE COGNIZANT of what you're saying to people because after hearing something about yourself for so long you start to believe it and make it true!! Because I know how this feels first hand I am very aware of what I say to my daughter and how I praise her continuously. I let her know that she's Gawgeous, Smart, Funny, Perfectly Built and anything else I can think of to keep her from having delusional ideals of who she REALLY is!! This is a painful struggle and I know I make light of it and joke around on a continuous basis but that doesn't mean this situation doesn't TORMENT sometimes. And that is one of the main reasons why I blog and talk to you all about it because it allows me to release myself of this emotional baggage that has plagued me so I can move one & GROW as a person and hopefully help someone else either overcome the same thing or keep them from going thru the same thing. So on that note I will bid you farewell and get back to work and say as always I Love's Ya'll and I'll talk to ya soon!!

KQ

I've got Triple D's!!!

. . . . Ummmmmmmmm don't get excited because I'm not talking about the show or "The Girlz" LOL!!
But don't get me wrong though I ABSOLUTELY LOVE Diners, Drive-ins & Dives aka Triple D and I'd LOVE some "Girlz" hehehe, but that's not what we're talking about today!!
Today's Triple D's are . . .

DETERMINATION, DRIVE & DISCIPLINE

This has been a very long & ongoing journey for me and I could've never been or will never be successful without these VERY important and basic Triple D's!! Now let's take these 3 D's and break'em down based on their definitions and see where I fit in and think about where you fit into those definitions too. .

DETERMINATION can be defined as . . .

1. Firmness of purpose; resolutness - Well I don't think there's any question that I have a Firmness of purpose & a resolutness in the direction of which I plan to go! About 6yrs ago I decided what it was that I wanted to do in terms of my health & wellness and also in the fitness industry. And I have been working diligently towards that goal/purpose since then! Just because I had a purpose in mind it did not in any way, shape or form come together over night!! It's taken continued focus and work to just get on the road to where I belong cause I have YET to achieve the BIG goal but we're headed in the right direction. . . 
2. The process of establishing something exactly, typically by calculation or research - OHHHHHH the words calculation & research are 2 that those around me will tell you I've done and still do extensively!! I'm online daily researching the industry, workouts, EATS and anything else I can think of in relation to my goals & this journey. I feel like KNOWLEDGE is KEY so I'm going to flood myself with as much of it that my lil brain can hold then I'll put the rest on layaway for later so I can squeeze it all in, hehehe!!
3. A tendency to move in a fixed direction - I mean c'mon seriously . . . ya'll know this is me ALL DAY/EVERYDAY!! I am NOT wavering from the direction in whence I want to go for ANYTHING!! Now that doesn't mean my personal or professional life outside of fitness has to suffer cause it doesn't. Even though the direction I'm moving in will ULTIMATELY benefit my family and my life I can't let my determination to get there invade or interrupt their lives any more then it has to because that just wouldn't be fair. They want this for me BUT this isn't their Dream its MINE so I have to remember that daily

DRIVE can be defined as. . .

1. A strong organized effort to accomplish a purpose - Listen I suffer from the BIG "O" when I'm not running on zero energy. The BIG "O" is ORGANIZATION and I'm all about it and I feel like you can't be successful without some sort of organization. Because how can you get there (wherever there is) IF you haven't organized & devised a plan to make it happen. Like I always say . . . If you FAIL to PLAN then you PLAN to FAIL!! I may let some other things around me fall to the waist side when I start running on empty but I'm gonna tell you what won't fall to the waist side and that's my planning & preparation for my workouts & Eats!!
2. Energy, push, or aggressiveness - These 3 words are what you see in the dictionary next to Kenisha :) If I am nothing I am FOR SURE 100% ENERGETIC & AGGRESSIVE when it comes to accomplishing goals and achieving whatever I set my mind to!! 

DISCIPLINE (Self-Discipline) can be defined as. . .

1. Training that one gives oneself to accomplish a certain task or to adopt a particular pattern of behavior, even if one would rather be doing something else - OH MY LAWD!! If I'm not disciplined then I dunno who is?!?! If there is any 1 thing about this journey that's hard its sometimes the DISCIPLINE when it comes to the EATS!! I truthfully don't suffer from cravings anymore which is a huge accomplishment in itself. Don't get me wrong I want to EAT things that aren't currently on my meal plan BUT they're honestly not bad things at all and are pretty much considered healthy & borderline clean. Or I have desires to eat more of things I'm allowed to have just not in the quantities that I desire like my sweet potatoes :) But what's the hardest is disciplining myself to eat some of the stuff that I'm not accustomed to or honestly don't like. Funny thing about that is after training (forcing LOL) myself to eat these things they slowly became some of my favorites . . .like oatmeal & asparagus. However I can tell you one thing that I will NEVER EVER enjoy (at least in the fashion that I have to eat it) is Cream of Rice. In the name of Sweet Baby Jesus!! Now if it doesn't take DISCIPLINE & borderline INSANITY for me to eat that stuff I wouldn't be able to choke it down. BUT. . . I buckle down and I discipline myself to do it for the few meals because I know what I want to accomplish and unfortunately this God forsaken nasty stuff will get me there!

Now that you've had a chance to read about my Triple D's and their definitions and how I feel like they apply to me, I now want you to evaluate yourself & your goals (whatever they may be) against these Triple D's and see if you measuring up!!
ANYTHING WORTH HAVING IS WORTH WORKING FOR and you should always remember that!! So you may have to make some sacrifices by burning the midnight oil then waking up again the next morning before the chickens. You may have to deny yourself what you "think" are needs (pleasures) when instead they're just wants (desires) that one can live without until the ultimate goal is reached. So whatever your goal maybe are you putting forth your BEST & BIGGEST Triple D's cause I know I am!! As always Love Ya'll and much success in EVERY endeavor you set your mind to!!
KQ